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~Purely Innocent~
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| | Time: | 05:18 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankthink.gif) contemplative |
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| So I've been thinking about alot. This is what happens when I have days off of work. Everyone around me is going stir crazy over diets (me included, though mine has a little less to do with me thinking I'm fat and more to do with the fact that I've gain almost 20lbs in less then six months). I was thinking alot about who I am and how a see myself everytime I look in the mirror. You know there are some days when I will stare at my reflection and the hardest part about it is looking away because I'm so pretty, other days the hardest thing to do is look at myself and my imperfections.
I had a problem, hell I still have a problem, it's living with an addiction. Everyday is a new fight, but some days are easier then others. The behavior I see in my friends now, are the same ones I refused to see in myself in highschool. Eating 500 calories in a day and then exercising enough to burn off 2,000+ calories is not healthy. It's just not. Your body is constently running when you talk, when you laugh, when you sleep, hell when you breath. Sure you will lose the weight, but it just gets worse. You lose that first ten like that and you become so happy, then after that it's an obsession.
What really is wrong with being 180 pounds? Nothing. There's nothing wrong with wearing a size 13, or a size 25. There is nothing wrong with it if you are active, if you actually do things and at least eat somewhat healthy.
Am I saying that I accept everything about me 24/7? No I'm not, yes I would like to be thinner, most times it's just a little bit of weight, so my clothes fit a little less awkward. I have been that person who will and can spend four hours at the gym. I have been that person that wont eat for days because she had a big peice of chocolate cake. I still am that person, and when I am it's not pretty. You are never as thin as you want to be and there's always something more that you want to change, that you want to control.
We ARE the instant gratification generation, however weight loss isn't instant. It can take a long while. Losing 20 pounds in a month isn't really healthy. It's not a race, it's just dangerous and stupid.
I can't plead to deaf ears, but sometimes I just wish people could see what they're doing wrong. I know when I forget to eat that people will have me sit down to do it. I know that I have people that can pull me back to reality. What I don't know is that if some of my friends have recognized that there is a problem, and even moreso that there's anyone around them that can pull them away.
It honestly worries me. People DIE to be thin. Is a quick ten pounds worth looking good in your grave with satin lining and a wooden box?
Edit: I didn't realize I posted this in the wronge journal,, but ehh -shrugs- | comments: Leave a comment   |
| | Current Music: | la la lie | | Subject: | A move | | Time: | 10:33 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankitten.gif) complacent |
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| Because I feel that it's time for a change, I am going to change. I will still be at LJ for any of you guys that was to find me, but I'm moving to a new handel
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) submit_yourself
EDIT: Post is editied to work now. I exsist! | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| Okay... soo... I have an Idea for an RP. I'v already have several people that are willing to help me, and that I can bounce ideas off with. At the same time I already have a few people interested in joining.
Pan-fandom and OC's will be allowed (however OC apps will be a hell of a lot harder than fandom apps.)
The basic premisis is that the end of the world happened, leaving about 85% of the world's population dead. The time line will actually start about 100-200 years after said destruction. Small cities and governments have been started up an are slowly merging outwards, gaining power. It will be focused on one city in particular (that has no name currently because she fails at names)
Also there was a slight mutation in some of the humans, leaving them more adaptable, stronger, longer living, less prone to sickness and death, as well as having a more highthened sense of spirituality, slight amounts of magic can be used (I'm still working out the details on this)
Anyways. If anyone is interested in wanting to help me work out details and helping me set it up or they have any ideas I would love you guys.
( I R Pirate ) | | comments: 6 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:12 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankwink.gif) drunk |
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| | You need to stop drinking alone.... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| my birthday.. it was a good one I will say. nothing really epic, and it was mostly me just chilling with my family. I held some feeblehope that certain people would call me to wish me a happy birthday, but they didn't, and that's alright.
In other news... my father forgot my b-day again... | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| I don't know why, but no matter when this day falls I become rather wistful. It's a rather nostalgic feeling, like I'm possessed by magic. I can't think well enough to put my thoughts into some logical constraint, but at the same time they flow so rapidly. It's silly. I know.
It just feels so... otherworldly. There's some false eloquence in the way I hold myself. I feel as if I am floating. Friday the thirteenth has been over for hours now, but the feeling hasn't faded.
The lucidity of it all is unnerving, but the veil of calmness is comforting. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 05:56 pm | | Current Mood: | lucid |
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| As my 22nd approaches I can't help but to feel that maybe erasing every point of me, beginning to end, disappearing, and starting over with something completely new isn't such a bad idea. It becomes a little clearer, a little closer to reality.
This isn't desperation as a result of my depression because I haven't felt so lucid in a long, long time. I want to write again, publish myself under a ghost name and become just that, nameless, timeless. There’s no worry about love, just my pen, my mind and my own sanity.
I've wanted to be something else for a long time. A performer, a singer, not to be adored by millions, or just one; I sing for myself. I write for myself. It's my release and it always has been. Sometimes things come so easily to my head and depending on the medium they flow from my lips either doused in poison, love, or subtle sarcasm.
I want to be someone new, faceless, nameless, and transparent. I wonder if I can make it reality. | | comments: 8 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Oingo Boingo - Insanity | | Time: | 02:13 am |
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| Wow...
The sixth sense... I forgot how utterly depressing that movie is!
Also... Insanity by Oingo Boingo! Go listen to it now! I demand it! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Placebo- Space Monkey | | Time: | 01:24 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankhappy.gif) amused |
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| Colbert: "Remember money doesn't by happiness, but it will by you things that make you happy."
Riley thinking he was gay... Pfft...
this sums up my night.
EDIT: I found this reading through my old comments... I figured someone could use the reminder.
You!! You suck cause you have sexy party time and I didn't get to see you last night!!
Hahaha I kid. Even if I haven't really known you that long I think that you are amazing. You always seem to make me laugh, and oh god the conversations that we have. You are a sweet and wonderful person that sometimes just has too much shit on their plate sometime.
Simply put babe... you rock. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Nirvana - rape me | | Time: | 01:28 am |
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| I have addicted myself to Code Geass...
I really need to read more of CLAMP's stuff... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | wow.... | | Time: | 12:02 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/anksad.gif) crappy |
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| I really just keep shooting myself in the foot don't I?
Fucking doormat... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:50 am | | Current Mood: | fucked |
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| BOARDING OF YOUNG SCHOLARS | Boarding of Young Scholars is an elite private college, located in a small New England town. It is open to anyone with exceptional talent in the areas of Academics, the Arts, or Sports. Due to recent events the school has opened it's door to female students, causing more than a bit of strife between it's diverse populous. BOYS is a laid back, friendly pan-fandom character driven game. We love adding more to our family, and are looking for some new blood.
With the school year ending, and summer starting, this is a great time to jump in.
Rules | FAQ | Joining | Taken characters
Jiraiya, Naruto, Sasuke (Naruto) Ritsuka (Loveless), Bleach characters, Poppy Brite characters, Kitty (That 70's show), FEMALES period, Any Whammy kids (Deathnote
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Yeah I'm advertising again... join because you want to! And you love me! | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Placebo- Special Needs | | Time: | 02:33 pm | | Current Mood: | Owww |
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| This is probably a little late, (but like i said most people don't read this) Maybe I should just do away with this to begin with.
Anyways... RL shit.
Monday night I was in a car wreak. I missed the season final of Bones... which pissed me off, however after my MRI I got rolled into my room in time to watch House (which left me crying and in more pain for the last 20 minutes due to the OMG SAD factor)
Back to the wreak. Someone t-boned us on the passenger side. (they ran red light) I was in NC with Me-shell when it happened. I'm alright. I had a massive concussion and a cracked collar bone. It hurts to move, and I'm being able to sit in a chair for about an hour or so now. Most of the head aches are gone, though they tend to come at night. The car flipped onto the drivers side, me and Me-shell had to climb out the back passenger door.
We are both okay now. I'm getting yelled at to rest by everyone, and that's pretty much it. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| My rant. Let me show it to you!
Actually... it's a few rants, so click on whatever you're interested in.
( Fangirls and their not really Geh sexors~! )
( On to Feminism )
There was so much more to this three hours ago... but yeah enjoy, don't enjoy the majority of you people don't read this crap no way.
And before anyone wants to say "well what are you doing right now other then bitching" I actually do awearness things outside my bitching, so yes. I do work for a change along with bitching. | | comments: 5 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | Dir en grey - Yokan | | Time: | 02:05 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankcreate.gif) creative |
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| Alrighty, just because I have no life, and am pretty effing bored at 2am
-Select a number between 1- 404 and I will give you that song off my playlist.
I have far much more then this, but it's all I've transfered over so far. (and I'm bored, so I might do it again in another week as well.) | | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 01:40 am | | Current Mood: | complacent |
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| Manda gots another holes, oh yeah. Industrial on her left side. Hehe, before you start bitching at he like "oh I thought you had no money?" I don't. I think of it as a gift.
A little pain after some heartbreak is therapeutic. | | comments: 7 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Subject: | Gay Rights | | Time: | 02:51 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/anktired.gif) tired |
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| Gay rights
"Why is that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" -Ernest Gaines
We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights." If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
even if this is a chain thing, it's one of the few I will actually bother posting. | | comments: Leave a comment |
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~Purely Innocent~
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![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/niaha/kitty/ankangry.gif){kind=small}
cranky